Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
