My Higher Power is John Stamos
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Randomize
