dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
i keep seeing random pieces of my outfit all around town.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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