I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Mind blown. Apparently, it's PRErogative, not PERogative. I blame Bobby Brown.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
i need some magic done to my vagina
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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