hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Randomize
