the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
