Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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