I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I can't put those talents on a resume
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
