my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Randomize
