look no pants
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
