Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
