im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
