I think scott just propositioned me for sex
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
