drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
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