i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Randomize
