i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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