sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
