he told me I talked like a deaf person
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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