Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
