paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
