If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
