tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
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