yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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