Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
