bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
wow thanks for pushing me towards an older man
you gotta start somewhere if you're going to be a trophy wife
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
