At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
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