Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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