The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
