I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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