I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
high people should be assigned attendants
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
