Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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