If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize