new midget porn idea. Wizard of Jizz: Munchkins Revenge
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
