just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Randomize
