so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
