I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
