We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Randomize
