I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i will never coherently bang her
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Randomize
