If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
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