i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
