every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Randomize
