just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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