Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
