you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
Randomize
