wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
i now know how you feel when you have to walk me home. she ran into a streetlight and into garbage.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Randomize
