Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
