she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Randomize