If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
splinters make it hard to masturbate
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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