you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Last night apparently I said "I need a break" and then I just passed the fuck out for 3 hours
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Randomize
