Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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