i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
