sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
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When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
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There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
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