Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
