we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
Randomize
