Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
