the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
Totally clawed myself in the face during sex. I can die happy?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
