just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just had to throw up on the floor of my car during traffic on the way to work. Car next to me saw both times. Found the downside to having a job right after graduation.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
