We're like a lot better than the average bears
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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