I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
