I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
The best revenge is premature balding
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Randomize
