I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
