My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
