i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
