he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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