i just had sex bonerless
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
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