Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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