We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
