it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
