So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
