WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
